Fashionably Diabolical
by Yukaharu
Summary: Pure crackfic here. Written for Inuyoshie on Tumblr. Mephisto and the Earl meet up and talk about hats over tea. Did I mention they were hundreds of feet up in the air?


It was a lovely, clear spring day. The weather was warm but not terribly so, the slight breeze that rustled the trees making it perfect. People shuffled about down on the streets, going from shop to shop and buying their miscellaneous items and hurrying to and from their vehicles.

High above the streets, even higher than the trees, sat two men suspended in midair. Well, two armchairs in which both men sat, along with a small table holding sweets of all kinds and a tea set. The slimmer of the two poured a cup of tea and handed it to the other with a smarmy grin. "Here you are, Earl. I do believe this is the Grey you are so fond of? Help yourself to anything on the table."

The Earl nodded, taking the cup and sipping the liquid loudly. "Ah, Mephisto you have outdone yourself with this. It is a spleeeeendid brew." He laughed to himself and took another long, loud sip before setting the tiny porcelain cup on the tabletop.

Mephisto Phelese preened at the compliment, taking a small, silent sip of his own after having dumped copious amounts of sugar into it. "Mmm, Earl you have wonderful taste in tea." He popped a bonbon into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully before speaking. "Now I assume you know why I wished to speak with you, correct?"

The pudgy goblin-like faced man nodded, chuckling gleefully. "Of course, of course! Shall we get down to business then?"

Eyeing the Earl carefully, the demon nodded. "Yes. I do believe we shall. I brought a list of my contacts that I think you can make good use of. They are fairly flexible and never charge too awful much, so I think you will find them more than adequate, yes?" He handed over a manila envelope to the Earl of Millennium with a sly smile. "Now I do believe it's your turn."

The Earl nodded, riffling through the inside of his coat for a few minutes before producing a similar parcel and handing it to Mephisto. "Here you are, Sir Phelese. I think you will find them satisfactory as well~!"

Both men proceeded to look at the exchanged lists, reading the names and addresses silently to themselves. Finally, it was Mephisto who spoke first. "I do say, Lord Earl, that you have impeccable taste. I go to Margaret Franz as well! She has such lovely colors and patterns at such delightful prices!"

"Ah, but I see you still go to 'Hats n' Things' Mephisto? They have been out of fashion for decades!" The portly man laughed, taking yet another loud sip of his tea. "Though I suppose they have their charm, in an outdated sort of way."

There was another long silence as they finished reading the notes. "Tell me, Sir Phelese, where you got your current hat?" Today Mephisto was wearing an outlandishly bright pink top hat that was adorned with an equally bright purple band. The Earl himself was wearing a customary top hat as well but it was black and white, the lines swirling and seeming to almost move.

"Well between you and me, Earl, I got it at Lillian's Boutique a few days back, special order." He leaned forward as he spoke, a hand to the side of his mouth as if he were revealing a secret that could be overheard by anyone. Though considering they were far more than two hundred feet in the air, this was purely for show. "Now do tell where you got yours. I'm dying to know."

The Millennium Earl chuckled and nodded. "I suppose I can tell you. Seeing as you are a fellow top hat connoisseur like myself. I got this lovely beauty at Hats, Hats and Top Hats. Cost me a pretty penny it did but it was very much worth every bit!"

Mephisto grinned and nodded, procuring a pen from seemingly nowhere and making a note on the list the Earl had given him. "I shall check them out first, I believe."

The Earl nodded in agreement. He had finished his tea and apparently a large portion of the sweets as well. Mephisto idly wondered how in the world the man ate when his teeth never seemed to move but brushed the thought aside for now. He could ponder if the Earl even had lips at a later date. Right now, he had top hats to discuss. "So do you prefer satin lined, Earl?"

That seemed to make the other man pause for a moment, thinking hard about it. "Well I suppose it depends on the hat. Occasionally I do appreciate other fabrics."

The two talked for hours, exchanging wardrobe tips and bargaining skills. Finally a clock in Mephisto's coat pocket went off and the demon sighed. "It seems I have to get back. I do have an entire school to run and evil manipulative plans to put into play. But I'm sure you know my plight with that last one, along with insufficient help."

The Earl nodded. "Ah, yes, good help is so hard to come by lately. Hence why I make my own. I wish you good luck with the little human children, Mephisto. I should be taking my leave as well. Do contact me again if you wish to exchange hat stories! I find I quite enjoyed this, as well as the tea and sweets." With that, the Earl produced a pink umbrella with a pumpkin on the tip. He opened it and floated away with a cheery goodbye waved at his new friend.

Mephisto sighed and snapped his fingers, the chairs, table and everything on it all disappearing, leaving him sitting in midair. "Well, time to go back and make sure Amaimon didn't let his behemoth eat my sofa…or that he himself didn't eat my game controller again…" Standing, he vanished, heading back to True Cross and planning on calling upon the Earl again after checking out many of his written sources.


End file.
